To Be A Footnote In Someone Elses Happiness
by Ashimattack
Summary: What I remember most about mum was her lullabies, but for Ed it was the stew. Even though it just tasted like milk to me


A lot of people would say that Ed hasn't grown much since mum died.

Those people obviously don't know him very well.

They only know what they see, and in that aspect he hasn't grown much and a lot of people wonder why.

Some people think it's because of the lack of sleep, all those nights that he has woken up sobbing and in a cold sweat due to the same nightmare.

'_Brother, are you okay?_

'_I'm fine Al, go back to sleep'_

The nightmare was about me, I knew it.

Edward may be inconsiderate to people he doesn't respect but not me. Never to me.

But his mind wasn't the only thing that kept him awake, sometimes it would be me.

'_Brother, brother, I'm sorry, please wake up.'_

'_Al? What's wrong? It's like 4 in the morning...'_

'_I'm sorry; I had a bad dream...'_

Other brothers may have mocked their little 9 year old brother, but not Ed. Never Edward.

'_It's ok Al, you can sleep with me if you like'_

'_Are you sure?'_

'_Sure just hop in...'_

'_I'm sorry'_

'_Eh? For what?'_

'_For not being brave'_

'_Al, you are the bravest person I know. Just the fact that you had the guts to try and wake me at 4 in the morning is enough, seriously I scare myself sometimes. But even the bravest person is allowed to be scared sometimes, and that's when they need their big brother'_

That was a long time ago and I would like to think that I'm braver.

But I'm not.

Sometimes I just need to hear his voice.

'_Al? Why are you breathing so loud?'_

'_Huh? I'm sorry brother... I was just... well I was just...'_

'_Don't worry. It's ok'_

He would then get up out of bed and turn on the light.

'_Brother? What are you doing?'_

'_I couldn't really sleep, not that tired. Want to play a game? Or read some alchemy books?'_

'_Ed, you should probably get some sleep'_

'_I already told you, I can't. Besides I can get some on the train tomorrow.'_

Yes, it may have been lack of sleep, but that was due to kindness, and that couldn't be bad right?

It could have been the stew that he hadn't eaten since mum died.

'_Hey mum! Look what brother made!'_

'_Wow that's pretty special Ed'_

'_Yeah, Al's is pretty good too'_

'_Yeah but mine isn't quite as advanced...'_

'_Well I love them both'_

'_Hey Al, want to keep practising?'_

'_Okay!'_

'_Make sure you are back before dinner. We're having stew.'_

What I remember most about mum was her lullabies, but for Ed it was the stew. Even though it just tasted like milk to me **(1)**

It probably wasn't the milk like so many people think. Most people think that he hates it and hasn't tasted a drop since mum died. But I know the truth.

It reminds him of her.

He's never told me but I see him, when his guards let down and he thinks no one is watching.

'_I'm so sorry mum. I'm sorry for everything... for turning you into a homunculi, Al says that was his fault too but I know it was all mine. And oh god Al. What did I do to him? How could I do that to my baby brother that looked up to me? What kind of brother does that make me? I'm selfish. All I want is for him to be himself again at the cost of everything else. What am I doing wrong?!'_

He would then throw the bottle of milk to the other end of the room.

I flinched as it hit the floor, smashing into the million pieces that was Ed's heart.

Ed would then just sit there, eyes filled with tears, repeating his sick mantra over and over. Like she could somehow hear him, like somehow she was listening.

'_I'm sorry, It's all my fault. I'm sorry, It's all my fault. I'm Sorry, It's all my fault.'_

But no matter what anyone thinks, I know it's not his fault.

It's mine.

I don't know how but it just is.

People would doubt me if I said anything. But it's obvious because I'm the only one who is allowed to say it.

_'Ed we need to speak to him'_

_'No we don't! we've done fine without him for the last 10 years, what makes you think we need him now?_

_'Because you know we can't do this without him! And he wants to see you'_

'_Well maybe I just don't want to see him okay?'_

'_Well maybe you need to grow up and make the first move Shorty!'_

That was the first and last time I had ever called him short.

I hadn't meant to say it.

It just slipped out.

I waited for him to go spastic.

I waited for a while but when I looked up he just gave me a sad smile.

'_Well, maybe you're just freakishly tall'_

And then he would leave.

And go buy milk.

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**(1) Quote from episode 3 that inspired this fic**


End file.
